disintegration
by simplysteffv
Summary: She'd never felt this lost and insecure before. / Tag to S1E19, 'Crystal'.


**A/N: **The idea of Diana being the other Blackwell child bothers me on so many levels tbh. I'm kind of hoping that Diana's mom, Elizabeth, is John's sister thus making Cassie and Diana cousins instead. That is my head canon and I'm sticking to it until they officially say Diana is John's daughter, too. I've only ever heard them refer to her as the other Blackwell child, not necessarily as John's daughter so whatever. Charles is her father, no matter what. Plus, we don't know much about her mother and for all we know when they changed their name from Balcoin to Blackwell they might have sent her away when she was only a baby to protect her. What? I have my theories, leave me alone. =P lol

Anywho, sorry for that little, whatever it was. I just needed to let that out. Hope you enjoy this little tidbit! Also, I have no beta so mistakes are all my own.

**Disclaimer: **This is the work and play of fanfiction. I don't own anything. Everything belongs to their respective owners.

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**disintegration**

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_"You're the other Blackwell in the circle. You're my sister.'_" Diana turned on her side and shut her eyes tightly, as if the act itself would erase those words from her mind. She let out a deep sigh and rolled to lay on her back again.

Diana didn't understand. Earlier, Cassie had explained it to her but she still felt like something wasn't right. She had sat there next to Cassie while she told her about everything they found out from Jake's grandfather. Apparently, there had been eighteen families that had managed to escape the Salem witch trials. They had split into three circles, each consisting of six of the families; two of which stayed in the east coast and the one, their ancestors, that fled westwards and settled in Chance Harbor. She had gone on to explain one of Jake's granddad's theories about John.

_"According to Mr. Armstrong, our father-," Diana winced and blocked out everything else from there on._

_ She couldn't sit there and listen to her speak anymore. Vile was rising up her esophagus and she felt like she was going to be sick. She turned to look at Cassie, her sister, and noticed a glint in her eyes as she spoke. A heaviness settled in her chest. Never had those words made her want to cry and fall apart so badly before. Not when some time ago she had hoped to have one but had come to terms with the fact that her father might not ever re-marry after her mother. Her mother. Her father. She could hear her pulse beating in her ears and feel tears forming in her eyes. _

_ "I need you to leave, Cassie," she said, voice thick with emotion. _

_ Cassie's head snapped to look at her and she opened her mouth to say something but one look at Diana and she stood up from the bed to leave. She moved towards the door and lingered before turning around and saying, "I know this must be hard for you but, if it's any consolation, I'm glad it's you." _

_ Diana tried to smile but must've grimaced instead when she spoke again, "Please, just go." _

_ Cassie's gaze dropped to the floor as she turned around to walk out of her room._

She hadn't meant to upset Cassie, it was just… how could she expect Diana to be okay with her saying stuff like that? To act like it was the best thing to happen to them since they found out about their magic. Her world was crumbling as it was and now, after this revelation it was complete dust. The man whom she'd grown up calling dad and loved her whole life wasn't her biological father at all. He was the only constant in her life, the only thing she had been so sure about after everything that has happened and now, now she didn't even have that safety net anymore. Everything she had held so dear to her heart was ripped from her hands and stomped on by the past, by destiny, by a force far from her choice.

Tears welled up in her eyes and silently slid down the sides of her face as she stared up at her ceiling.

Her mother had lied to her father, and by default Diana grew up living a lie. So many questions formed in her head. _When? How? Why? WHY!_

She closed her eyes.

Diana wanted to run to her dad, Charles, and beg him to tell her it was all a lie. To tell her that her mother, Elizabeth, hadn't lied to him about her paternity, and that it was all a simple coincidence that she hadn't been able to go into the mines because Diana was a Meade, through and through. Not a Blackwell. Not Cassie's half-sister. Not John's daughter, but Charles'.

A small sob tumbled from her lips and she raised both her hands to cover her mouth. She tightened her already closed eyes and forced herself to breathe in deeply through her nose and exhale just the same, in order to calm herself down. The last thing she wanted was to alert her father and have him rushing in asking questions she wouldn't know how to answer in the first place. She wondered if he knew? Maybe he didn't. What if he did, though? Another sob formed inside of her and threaten to come out. She copied her previous action until she was calm. Diana opened her eyes, sucked in a shaky breath before exhaling deeply once more and bring her arms back down to her sides. She couldn't let herself think about it. He wouldn't lie to her, he was a horrible liar at that. Wasn't he? No. She wasn't going to dig herself deeper into this mess. She was already suffocating as it was. She would cross that bridge when she got to it.

Right now she would just-. Just, what? She didn't know what to do, nor where to start. Everything had just gotten that much more complicated. She'd never felt this lost and insecure before. Desperation was gripping at every corner of her being, threatening to consume her whole. It was all so much for her to bear.

There was still so much that she wanted to know, so much that she didn't understand.

But, Diana was tired. So very tired. She rolled to her side and closed her eyes; welcoming sleep like an old friend and letting it pull her under its spell, making reality fall away if only for a moment.

And, maybe, if she's lucky, she'll wake up tomorrow morning and all of this would turn out to have been a very bad dream.

_'If only,'_ her mind whispered as she drifted into slumber.


End file.
